Open Adoption

One would think with all those people out there who want children, it would be a lot easier to find them.

Well, I went through an adoption agency that one of my mom's friends had used.  I didn't interview agencies (as I now have heard people do), I just went with that one.  The compilation of possible parents/families included several THOUSAND options...if your baby was going to be "typical".  My baby, not so much.  I am adopted from South Korea, therefor, my daughter was going to be half Asian.  "Fred" is white, so I guess his half fits into the "typical" part.

So, of those THOUSANDS of options, my group of options just topped 100.  At first, I was really sad that so many other people wouldn't adopt a half Asian baby.  Now that I have had time to think about it, I am really glad that they knew they couldn't handle the pressures my child would face.

The criteria I was looking for consisted of only 5 things:
*a two parent household (a male and a female)
*both parents be younger than 45
*follow a Christian faith (denomination open)
*want or have more than one child
*have an income to support activities for the children

I was handed these 100 or so profiles to look through.  It was hard to eliminate people solely on their photos (or lack there of) and the descriptions of themselves.  My Birthmother Counselor (BMC) and I had gong through over half, when I came across the family I ended up choosing.  When I saw their profile, I knew I needed to meet them.  They had a lovely one-page (front and back) story about them.  Right smack in the lower middle was a family picture.  They boy was obviously half Korean.  I know this family had already been through some tests of their strength and were willing to try again.  The boy stood out to me.  It appeared perfect.  At the end of the "profile hunting", I had two families and three couples I wanted more information about.  One family 'Fred' picked out, but I knew right away it wasn't going to work out.  Don't get me wrong, I am not adverse to Caucasian people, but we were talking about my daughters future here.  I didn't think she would have a healthy view of herself, if she grew up with a lily white, Aryan looking family.  'Fred', however; thought that their money would take care of all of her identity issues.

My BMC took the profiles I was attracted to and got the information I had requested.  I still liked Family1 and, of course ~ after seeing their income, 'Fred' liked Family2.  The income factor did eliminate one couple, because by comparison, it was a lot lower and I wasn't totally hooked on their profile.

The next step is to meet the possibilities.  My BMC scheduled meetings with the two remaining couples and Family1.  I told 'Fred' my BMC wasn't able to get in contact with them.  Yep, I lied.  The first meeting was with Couple1 and they were fine enough people.  The second meeting was with Family1.  I loved them.  I canceled the meeting with Couple2, because I had already made up my mind, I just needed 'Fred' to get Family2 out of his head.  So, I sat down with him and told him I liked Family1 and there was no reason to meet with anyone else.  He started to argue about Family2, when I pointed out that our baby was going to be half Korean and would stand out in family pictures.  He shut up.  He looked at me and said, "my side might make the baby blonde."  I knew then, he was stupider than I had ever imagined.  Um, no.  Do you know anything about genetics?  Two brunettes don't make a blonde (especially when there's no one in the families with blonde hair).

Basically, I had made my decision.  It took 'Fred' a little longer to decide Family1 was the best way to go.  Once he was as "on board" as he was going to get, I told Family1 that they were who I/we had chosen.

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